Best Mom Tip #143: Relive the moment

I have been out of town for a while and I was in a horrible vortex where the wi-fi was reeeaaallly slow and my phone's apps wouldn't work. At least there was a Starbucks outpost in the resort. I was surrounded by teenagers because I was chaperoning a trip for our church and they couldn't fix it, either, so I know it wasn't my fault.

Anyway, so instead of focusing on one moment, I thought I'd share a few of the single points in time of the last week that made me smile, laugh, and feel very grateful.

Talking Stuffed Animals:
When I was on my way home from the trip and I texted Jay that he needed to come pick me up, this was his reply:

"I know. Griffin said it was time to pick you up. His moose told him so." I don't know if I should be freaked out that the boy takes information from his rocking moose seriously, but at least it was accurate.

Wildlife Sightings:
Charlotte and I had this conversation:
Me: Look, a bunny is right over there!
Charlotte: It's just like my purple bunny! Except that it's not purple and it's real. And it's a different size. Oh, a BUNNY!

I love that the word bunny is all her stuffed animal and the real rabbit had in common, but for Charlotte it was a love connection.

A Grateful Nation:
At Harry's 1-year-old birthday party, my dad asked my brother-in-law what he was actually doing all day. Since he's in training to be a Green Beret, this is not as rude of a question as it might seem. He (my brother-in-law) said that he was mostly in classes all day at this point, but that it "would be nice to finally get back out to working." You know, where people shoot at him. And other mean stuff. That's what he'd like to get back to doing. I am so grateful that good men stand in the gap for the rest of us in horrible situations here and abroad. And that they are really great uncles when they're in my home.

Misinterpretations:
Charlotte: I know how to get to Aunt Hellen's house, Daddy.
Jay: Good, you can be my navigator.
Griffin: She is NOT an alligator! YOU'RE an alligator!

Way to defend your sister, Bud. Much as it frightens me, I have a feeling you might be one of those men in the gap when you get older.

One Small Step for a Man:
Harry took his first steps this afternoon. There were just a few of them, but they counted. What encouraged him to make that giant leap? Homemade ice cream on the 4th of July. How great is that?

I am lucky and so grateful. The rewind of this busy week has been fun to watch over and over again.

And how was my trip to the beach with no internet access? Pretty good. According to the Panama City Beach ABC affiliate, I participated in the world's largest single-site flash mob. Although, I highly doubt we set any kind of a record, it was great fun. Take a look at it below.

Best Mom Tip #134: Know your weaknesses

Osama bin Laden is dead. I will pause while you dance.

**PAUSE**

Now that we have all stopped celebrating, I will admit to feeling a bit bloodthirsty since the news broke. I want pictures. I want details.

I suddenly thought that putting a head on a pike is not barbaric, but rather a good way of warning others not to mess with us. Maybe it could go on top of the Washington Monument.

Or maybe each state could get a piece of the body and decide what they want to do with it. Vermont could use theirs to grow organic syrup. Texas could deep fry theirs. The possibilities are endless.

All of my gruesome posturing is just bravado, though. I am really a wuss.

I know this because today I found a 3-4 foot snake in my garage and I freaked out. Badly.

I got home, opened the garage, and parked inside. I got out, walked around the car to get the baby out and took him inside and put him in his highchair for lunch. I walked back to the garage and there, right where I had been standing on the driver's side, was a really big snake.

I froze, yelled "Holy Shit!" (which is pretty funny because I don't think I've ever said that in my life), and tried to figure out what to do. My 2-year-old was still asleep in the car and was being held hostage by the evil snake lurking next to the car.

I managed to herd the snake out of the garage using a tree limb lopper, but it escaped under the porch.

Oddly, at this moment a police officer drove by and asked me if everything was alright. I explained that there was a snake under my porch. He gallantly got out, pulled the thing out from under the porch, chopped it to pieces, and threw the pieces in the sewer.

I think I would have gotten around to killing it eventually, but in the 10 minutes or so between my getting home and the officer's arrival I said "shit" about 10 times, my adrenaline was going crazy to the point that I was shaking, and I was only able to speak in an hysterical voice similar to Mickey Mouse on cocaine.

I am a wuss.

So whether you are the Special Forces men who killed bin Laden to make my world safer, or the guy who butchers cows so I can eat hamburgers, or the officer who destroys horrifically vicious snakes so that I can continue to enter and leave my house at will, THANK YOU.

I am really grateful that you guys kill things so that I don't have to.