Monday, May 24, 2010

Best Mom Tip #92: Park for two

A couple of days ago I had the opportunity to eat lunch by myself outside of a school building. It was a beautiful day and I was thrilled to be able to eat outside at a local sandwich place.

When I got there, I pulled into a parking space that was a little tight, but I was proud of myself for being able to squeeze the giant minivan into such a small space.

Then I tried to get out of the car.

I was trying to hop my way far enough out of the car to retrieve my right leg when I realized that even if I got out, getting back in holding my sweet tea was not going to be possible. There was simply no way to get myself out of the car with my protruding belly and then get back in with any sense of dignity.

So I heaved my left leg back into the vehicle, turned the car back on, and moved my enormous mom-mobile two spaces down.

That's when I spotted a former coworker who is a 5'7" size 2 walking to her own car.

I didn't say hi.

It was pretty demeaning to have to actually re-park the car because I'm too damn big to get out. I will be parking in remote spaces for the next 4-5 weeks.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Best Mom Tip #91: Buy longer shirts

So my stretch marks have returned.

I will be honest, I really don't have very many body problems. I'm tall and I lose weight relatively easily when I try to do so. And I eat a lot of junk food so there is always that excuse that I COULD be skinnier if I tried.

I am, therefore, fully aware that I have very little to complain about when it comes to the challenges of what motherhood does to one's body. I certainly have my variety of aches and pains, but it is the damage to the skin of my stomach that annoys me the most. Well, that, and the digestive issues I suffer while pregnant, but no one needs to hear about that.

I've always rather liked my stomach but after my last pregnancy, my skin got loose and wrinkly after the baby weight came off. And I got stretch marks (which didn't happen the first time--I know, I'm lucky, but it was still shocking to me).

The return of said stretch marks just reminds me that even after I can lie on my stomach again (in about 7 weeks) and after I lose the weight (in about 8 months) I will still have an oddly wrinkly stomach when next summer's bathing suit season rolls around.

So I'm buying longer shirts. It's either that or plastic surgery and I just can't justify voluntary operations. Maybe someone will invent Botox for your stomach...I'll let you know what I find out.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Best Mom Tip #90: Don't cry in public

This morning I took my sweet daughter to register for kindergarten. She did her own hair, as usual, with a matching bow to coordinate with her shirt.

She practically danced off with the complete stranger who was doing her screening process. She was trying desperately not to run when she returned from her screening, so proud of herself for knowing her numbers, letters, and how to spell her name.

She also got a new pencil that says, "Kindergartners are #1."

While she was gone, I proved that I live in the school district, handed over copies of her birth certificate and social security card and chatted about our county's teacher furloughs with the registration lady.

And I managed not to cry. I didn't even tear up in front of anyone. She is beautiful and so big and really, REALLY not a baby.