Best Mom Tip #181: Reminisce for a while

Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. It feels like both a minute and a lifetime since Jay and I said our vows and started our life together. On the anniversary of major events-our wedding, the births of our children-we like to play "what were we doing right now x years ago today"?

Fifteen years ago today I had my hair and makeup done by two different people who were not me.  I carefully took a nap while wearing a veil that I draped over the back of a chair and no one interrupted my sleep.  I wore the most expensive outfit of my life. I had a moment waiting for the ceremony to start when I thought "oh my God, what am I doing?  This is forever!"  And then I remembered that I was marrying Jay and that didn't sound overwhelming or scary at all.  It felt right and it made me smile.

We repeated our vows and when I said, "with all that I am and all that I have, I honor you" I realized that I was committing not just to love and to cherish, but to respect and support and encourage. I was promising to put my husband above all others in my life.  And Jay promised the same to me.

Today was not like that.  I took Baby Jack to the ENT way across town and it took 2 1/2 hours for 15 minutes with health care professionals. I took the kids to Chick-fil-A because we came home from vacation yesterday afternoon and there was nothing to eat in our house.  Also, we hadn't been in over a week and I figured they missed us.  I took four kids to the grocery and bought random things because I didn't have a list.

I took the kids swimming and changed them into their suits and sprayed them with sunscreen and packed snacks.  I was trying to wear them out because they are jet lagged and staying up late giggling, but I overshot and my 2-year-old just fell asleep in the car on the way home and then stayed up until 10.

My "getting ready" involved a shower and scrubbing the chipped polish off of my big toes because it had already come off of all the other toes and looked rather sad.  I did put on some makeup but couldn't find several different items and mostly just gave up and went with the same stuff I wear every other day I have to look like a grown up.  It was not particularly romantic.

But at 5pm, on my way home from swimming, my children all started singing along with the radio.  The oldest two did pretty well, the third one sang the words one line behind the others, and the baby used a sing-song version of his "ahahahahahah" talking sounds. It was loud and off key and made me think of how much better this was than having pictures taken before our wedding.

At dinner tonight the power went out and we ate by candle light and talked about what our 21 and 22-year old selves would think about our lives if we could have foreseen this.  I think we'd be surprised that we have 4 kids and that I stay home with them.  I think we'd be pleased at the trips we've taken and the places we've seen.  I think we'd be grateful and excited that we are so happy and that there is so much love in our house.

My cup runneth over.  Fifteen years ago today was a good day, but it was not as good as today.

Best Mom Tip #141: Get a lucky number

WARNING: This is not particularly funny. More schmaltzy, with a touch of melodrama.

Yesterday Jay and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary on the 13th of the month. Traditionally, 13 has had a somewhat sordid past. Hotels avoid a 13th floor and Friday the 13th can apparently cause the mass murders of stupid teenagers. I think this bad image has something to do with there having been 13 people at the Last Supper before Jesus was crucified, but there's probably some pagan ritual from the Celts in there as well. I don't really care, honestly.

What I do care about is that we've made it this far. I have lived a lot of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. My childhood, and Jay's as well, taught us early on that life can turn on a dime. Each milestone, each year that we make it without disaster amazes and humbles me.

Both sets of our parents got kicked in the teeth in their 30s. Jay's mom and dad went out on a date one Friday night in February and his father died in the movie theater. Suddenly. We'll never really know why. Jay was 8.

My father began his overt fight with mental illness while my mother was pregnant with my brother. No one knew what to say, his illness wasn't considered a medical disability at the time, and we spent a lot of time with Daddy in hospitals on floors we were too young to visit. My mother had to drag 4-year-old me screaming from the hospital that Daddy is NOT sick, I can see him right there.

But nothing has happened to us so far. We've had three children without incident. We're older than both my mom and dad were when my dad got sick. We are older than Jay's mom was when she became a widow. And yesterday, we were married longer than Jay's parents were before his father died.

Jay is still younger than his father was when he died and I am still younger than my mother was when she developed her own near-fatal illness, but we've passed a lot of the milestones I really didn't think I'd see without some sort of disaster. I wish I could say that I now live without the fear and I just enjoy every day as it comes, but I am not that peaceful.

I am so grateful for what I have and I am stunned that it has all gone so well so far, but I still get afraid of what is around the corner. I'm hopeful for our future, whatever that may hold. I am excited that I get to share my life with my best friend and I am glad I made such a good choice when I was still more kid than adult.

That other shoe could totally fall and beat me about the head and shoulders, but for right now, 13 feels lucky.