In order of appearance, the following are all of the orthopedic problems I have had that are directly related to motherhood:
Problem--Wiggly kneecap due to overly elastic joints because of that chemical that loosens joints during pregnancy.
Solution--physical therapy and lots of leg lifts in front of the TV
Problem--Compression fracture in one of my tail bones due to underestimating how much I weighed while trying to sit down at 8 months pregnant.
Solution--horrible shots to my tail bones to stop the pain. It involved a nurse telling me "I'm just going to put this washcloth here in your bottom."
Problem--pelvic pain due to bone spurs caused by pressure on my pelvic bones while pregnant.
Solution--letting the pain "burn out over 6 months or so after birth." Also, not wearing any of my beautiful high heels because they exacerbate the pain
Problem--horribly bruised/possibly fractured foot from stepping on a back stroller wheel while attempting to jog to the bus stop to meet my eldest kid
Solution--don't know yet, but it still hurts 3 weeks later so I'm going to the doctor again
Problem--horribly bruised/possibly broken toe due to 2-year-old pushing over a bar stool onto my foot
Solution--probably nothing, but since I already made that appointment for number 4, I figured I ask about the toe, too
Parenthood is literally bad for my health.
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