Best Mom Tip #83: Keep your thoughts to yourself

You are not actually allowed to say the things you think. Most of us follow this rule--this is why no one says "yes, you look fat in that outfit" or "that new haircut really makes you look like your mom."

But people seem to completely forget this social nicety when you're pregnant. They say things like "Wow, you're really big already! I guess that happens when it's your third kid." This was from a person who I'm pretty sure had gastric bypass surgery.

Or, from a coworker, "I guess you must be in the bathroom more than any of us, right?" Why are my bodily functions a topic of discussion?

I am also asked how I'm feeling by people whose names I don't even know. And we wear name tags at work.

I feel fine, thank you. And fat, and unwieldy, and unattractive, and like I don't like my hair. None of that is really any of your business if you can't name the father of my children.

So let's keep our thoughts to ourselves. You don't comment on how "round" I'm looking and I won't comment on how low your ass has gotten. Agreed?