Friday, March 18, 2011

Best Mom Tip #127: Keep your eye on the ball

You know those big exercise balls that you can use for crunches and the like? Yeah, I lost control of one during a body sculpting class and it rolled across the entire studio and ran into a woman's head.

Fortunately, the entire room is surrounded by mirrors so I could see her expression as the giant silver orb rolled right up on top of her.

I have a love/hate relationship with this class to begin with. This is the same instructor who did not appreciate me pointing out that her missing cat and her coyote problem were probably related. I hurt for days every time I take this class. In the middle of it, I think things like "this is miserable and my stomach will still be wrinkly even if it is skinny. Why am I here?"

Here is what happened with the ball. We were all lying on our backs with our legs sticking straight up in the air holding the giant ball between our calves. We were supposed to lower our legs to the right and then to the left while keeping a tight hold on the ball. It is supposed to be a really good lower ab exercise and force you to use controlled movements.

The sad truth is that my lower abs have the same strength as the band of 10-year-old underwear with broken elastic and there is no way I can lower my legs to the sides of my body with any sort of control. My thighs were also shaking with the effort of keeping the ball between my legs. Thus the ball popped free and went on its own desperate attempt to find someone who might actually be able to complete the exercises without harming others.

I retrieved my ball and moved on to the next exercise which involved putting the knees of my fully extended legs on the ball, my hands on the floor, and pulling my legs up so that my behind became the highest point on my body.

At least I managed to end the class with some dignity.

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